Don’t Blend
If you’ve truly experienced life, there’s something about getting older that puts you at an advantage. And that’s only if you understand that life is for you to live. And by that, I mean finding your way in a world that desperately wants you to, no actually fights with you, to blend in. To go with the masses, consensus, the majority, be with the herd. To a greater extent finding your tribe or community IF blending in is what you’re seeking.
The reason perhaps we feel the need to find like-minded people in our lives is so that we don’t feel left out, abandoned, lonely, or even forgotten. For that matter, it helps normalize our thinking when others are on the same page. But what we really need is to think differently, from an enhanced perspective. And then, and only then does connecting with those that enrich your life, support your life’s journey.
The secret, I believe to leading an authentic life is for us to discover, find, know, understand who we are in all that we are – that being; in all our unique, quirky, fantastic, and neurotic ways.
On a regular basis my brother says to me; “there’s something wrong with me.” He fights tooth and nail to break free from who he is, when really, who he is allows him to be as incredibly creative as he is. He thinks differently. Ok, sure there are sides to him that I wish he would improve upon. He can be cutting and not the nicest guy, and yet that’s because for long stretches at a time he’s not confident in who he is. And I get that his cutting, unkind side is his fear coming through. It’s loud and clear.
What we tend to forget is the need to become more aware of what it is that we’re doing. We’re not mindful of the moments in time where we could be bolder and braver with ourselves. By brave I mean facing our insecurities and self-doubt in a way where we see ourselves from a distance. This is the very reason when we sometimes see ourselves in others, and we don’t always like what we see, what we’re really saying is that we don’t like ourselves. Or a particular mannerism.
Once we better understand what it is that fuels our soul and gives us energy in our lives, that’s the day we won’t blend. That’s the day we like ourselves more. It means digging deeper.
Let’s test this. Take a day in your life where you observe what you’re doing from the moment you wake up until the time you hit your head on your pillow – observe how you feel, and how you’re reacting and responding at every turn.
Maybe you wake up beside someone that bums you out. Or that asks you to do things consistently that you don’t want to be doing – you do it anyways so to not rock the boat. And then you wonder why you’re resentful. Perhaps the work that you do day in, and day out, compromises what you believe. Something just doesn’t sit right and yet by you blending it feels more comfortable (safer) than not.
What happens over time is that inevitably you get to a breaking point and wonder why you’re feeling the way that you do.
Rather than subject yourself to the misery of not being you – or deciding that you will not blend in, will be the day where you feel most like yourself. And, in liking yourself as you are, interestingly, you become a nicer human being. Because you’re now not needing to apologize for who you are – or feel as if you need to impress others.
I know immediately when I feel the need to impress others that there’s some insecurity or a feeling of do you know who I am ego bullshit going on in my psyche. It never feels right or good. In fact, I feel lousy about myself.
Not blending means to be graciously and compassionately honest with yourself. The ego does not come into play here. You’re not showboating. It’s about discovering unapologetically all the ways that make up you – and by you I don’t mean all the other people in your life that influence your thinking – certainly others help to make us better humans, of course, and yet the distinction is, only when we understand who we are at our core. If we don’t, then we fall into that herd mentality.
It's a little tricky. Clearly there are people that got this early on in their lives where they didn’t blend and had the fortitude to follow their path – wherever it took them. That’s luck. They may have had parents that shaped there don’t blend thinking or grew up in horrible conditions where the only way to survive was to not blend.
The important thing is that until the day we die, it’s never too late to not blend.
Begin. Be in your body. Consciously become more aware of your internal instincts and responses that you’re not leading with. Think about what it is that’s holding you back. What could be preventing you from being you? What fear are you holding tightly?
Overtime the decisions that you make will change. You will, I believe, become bolder in your approach to being you. You will become less interested in what others have to say about you. You’ll care more about your approach to life, how you live, your lifestyle, and the way you interact with those you connect with.
In my optimistic way of seeing the world and others, I’m saying this with the hope that by you not blending, it allows you to become more aware of the positive contributions that you’re better able to make in this world while you’re here.
And … because you’re not blending doesn’t mean that you don’t give a flying fuck what I hope or don’t hope that you do, by not blending – you’ll actually care more – because you’ll care more about yourself.
And, in your search for yourself, you’ll connect more deeply with all the things that make you stand out. And that’s uniquely you.